Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I HAD to post this...

This was posted on my birth board (a group of women I talk to online that are all due in October with babies).  It's hilarious and VERY true.  I hope you aren't offended but...I HAD to post this.

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with
pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical
harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should
probably read this twice.
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a
baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ####
2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY
by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your
uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use
the phrase "my baby".
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the
pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not
have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.
4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other
body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not
pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus,
cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove
all traces of privacy from a woman.
5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A
pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about
is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her
face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is
somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique
your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only
acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!".
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the
fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not
pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot
before the baby comes.
7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on
Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound
crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL
or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals.
Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private
and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.
8) Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you
are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor,
delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you
will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents
to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will
be asked for it.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean
up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the
way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with
breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still
leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents.
Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for
you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being
given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing
disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Can my pregnant girls relate? I especially relate to number 2, 3 and 5!


Nik said...

One word: Awesome